A Lament O'er a Worm of Gummy

I'm supposed to be writing my Gothic Review. It's only 1500 words, which should be a piece of cake considering my remarkable output the other week when I managed to write an article for the Regency World magazine and a third of my book, but is proving to be labour-some. Not because I don't know what I'm doing but that I lack motivation when it comes to uni, mostly thanks to my inability to feel pressure about things that are actually important.

So in attempt to spur me on, I treated myself to some sour gummy worms, hoping that the sugar rush and the way sour things make my mouth feel weird would help perk me up.

It seems that I have been horribly deceived. Two things are horribly wrong with my so called sour gummy worms.

They are not sour. At all. There is no way that you could class them as sour- they barely have any flavour at all, and there not half as coated in sugar as I would generally require them to be.

But that is not it. Not only are the not sour, they are not worms.

No. They are in fact NON SOUR GUMMY SPERM.

SPERM.

THEY LOOK LIKE SPERM.

I have just eaten a bag of flavourless non gummy sperm. My disappointment and revulsion can know no bounds.