A Lament O'er a Worm of Gummy

I'm supposed to be writing my Gothic Review. It's only 1500 words, which should be a piece of cake considering my remarkable output the other week when I managed to write an article for the Regency World magazine and a third of my book, but is proving to be labour-some. Not because I don't know what I'm doing but that I lack motivation when it comes to uni, mostly thanks to my inability to feel pressure about things that are actually important.

So in attempt to spur me on, I treated myself to some sour gummy worms, hoping that the sugar rush and the way sour things make my mouth feel weird would help perk me up.

It seems that I have been horribly deceived. Two things are horribly wrong with my so called sour gummy worms.

They are not sour. At all. There is no way that you could class them as sour- they barely have any flavour at all, and there not half as coated in sugar as I would generally require them to be.

But that is not it. Not only are the not sour, they are not worms.

No. They are in fact NON SOUR GUMMY SPERM.

SPERM.

THEY LOOK LIKE SPERM.

I have just eaten a bag of flavourless non gummy sperm. My disappointment and revulsion can know no bounds.

You're the Voice, Lexie

00:29

literally, sometimes i think we're more like each other than we are mum and dad

maybe you weren't born they just cloned me

hahhhh

ahah, and threw a few extras in just so it wasn't too obvious

This conversation just took place between me and my sister. Yes, I may be wiser and infinitely cooler, but she and me are scarily similar most of the time. There's the obvious things of course- we share the same mannerisms, we speak the same, we share some genetics (though she's taller and slimmer, cow). We're obviously sisters.

However, I have recently begun to realise that she is more like me than either of my parents. I suspect that, realising that their first born daughter was simply the best thing that their combined genes could create, they decided to clone me rather than run the risk of producing and inferior child. Of course they added some minor differences, so it wasn't too obvious.

I've posted her so many youtube video's the last few days it's untrue and I can't watch most of my favourite films or shows without texting her. We share many (and I mean many) obsessions, one of which is a mutual adoration for BBC's Merlin. Lexie found a video of Merlin and Arthur lip syncing the chorus to 80's power ballad, You're The Voice, which starts with Merlin aka Colin Morgan repeatedly forgetting who sings the song.

Question at the pub quiz tonight- who sings 80's power ballad, You're the Voice.

I actually screamed. I was the only person in THE WHOLE PUB who knew the answer. Seriously, it was a beautiful moment of sisterly obsession becoming pointless quiz victory .( Apart from the fact we didn't win)

Here is the video. It made me wet myself laughing but I know cannot get this song out of my head. It's going on our repertoire, along with our fine rendition of multiple Jonas Brothers songs and the theme tunes to anime shows.

'Me gusta mucho la musica de Shakira, porque tengo un obsesion con ella'

So, in an attempt not smash my laptop because BBC Iplayer has not yet uploaded today's episode of Merlin, I am going to discuss my weird obsession.

With Shakira

(I realise I could have talked of my obsession with Arthurian legend, but that would take too long. Also, though you may not believe, probably make me sound a lot stranger than this post. Seriously. )

I love Shakira. Yes, when I first heard Wherever, Whenever for the first time I shared the mild bemusement that the everyone in Britain did. However when I discovered that not only is she hella clever and an ambassador for education in Colombia, BUT her songs make more sense in Spanish. Wherever, Whenever might sound totally ridiculous but Suerte makes total sense. I always prefer the versions that she realises in Spanish to the English ones, they just have so much more to them.

(Seriously, it's something about the language)

I used to listen to Shakira albums and pass it off as Spanish revision, though I think it probably helped more than I thought it would- I also once watched Pan's Labyrinth and told my mum it was homework.

Honestly, I can listen to her over and over. If I wasn't totally sure of my sexuality I would be very worried by the amount of times I have seen her music videos. Especially the one for La Tortura- though in my defence Alejandro Sanz is a GOD of a man, so it's slightly more acceptable. Youtube it- you don't need to speak Spanish to get the point, trust me.

At the moment I'm well obsessed with this song. It actually came out last year but still, it's amazing.

You Bring the Drama, I'll Bring the Kleenex

Oh Baz Luhrman, you never fail to make me weep. I just watched Australia for the first time- I would have watched it sooner but it's so long that no one would watch it with me- and I cried at least three different times. Even the happy bits made me cry, no word of a lie.

I mean, it is just beautiful.

When I say it, I of course mean, that Hugh Jackman is gorgeous. Look at him, all rugged and Indiana Jones sexy.

There is just something about the way Luhrman makes films that makes me want to watch them over and over- which generally means I sob my eyes out to Romeo + Juliet and Moulin Rouge! then put Strictly Ballroom on so I don't sink into a pit of despair.

Generally I don't do films with sad endings- I had a mild breakdown at the end of Gallipoli, I can't handle Braveheart or Gladiator. Then again I balled at some point of most Disney films- even Lilo and Stitch made me cry. I also famously cried at the end of Final Fantasy X.

I thought once that when I got older, I would stop finding films so sad. Apparently not.

It's Not a Film, It's a Lifestyle Choice

Because of my all round general geekiness, I occasionally watch the History channel. Usually there's something now and then on my particular interests or just something that's just pretty intriguing. However, today there was something unexpectedly awesome on- 'Star Wars: Legacy Revealed'

Granted I will watch, listen and read ANYTHING to do with Star Wars but this show was all about how Star Wars uses themes from mythology, which I also enjoy geeking out about. So obviously, this show was a must see.

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine who told me that the moment he knew he wanted to break up with his girlfriend was when they watched Star Wars and she found it boring. I have to bite my tongue whenever someone tells me they have never seen them.

Considering that I spent my 18th birthday dressed like this, I wonder sometimes how I got to this point.

Seriously, sometimes I think that if my children don't like Star Wars, I will have to disown them.

I can resist anything but Final Fantasy-Disney hybrid

I had writers block, okay? Don't judge me. I just thought, oh hey, I'll pay Kingdom Hearts again, just for a while.

That was two hours ago. My thumb aches.

I Are Plumber.

So, a lot of things go wrong in our house. For example Hannah once tried and failed three times to bake a cake, and we have been twice infested with both slugs and mice. In a house full of girls, that is a code red. So apart from that, we tend to draw blanks when something breaks- for example, the latch on my door once broke while I was in the room, locking the only claustrophobic girl in the house in her own room. It got to the point where we considered putting a mattress below my window and I could jump out before I realised the key would fit under the door (just) and after much jimmying and banging on the door, we got in.

(I have problems with my door, for example prior to my first meeting with my publisher I locked my self out after my shower and had to go ask the man next door to call me a very expensive locksmith. In pj's. Dripping wet.)

ANYWAY. Today, the toilet broke. For some reason, it just will not stop flushing. Me being the clever kid I am, I realised it was because this thing had fallen down, so I fixed it.


That's right, I tied a piece of string to it and hooked it over the window. I am a genius.

All Roads Lead to Gormenghast

Oh Mervyn, you wonderful remarkable man.

Why do the critics refuse to write about your brilliance? It would make my life so much easier. Clearly the academics don't love Peake as much as I do because there is hardly anything out there.

I have just trawled the Internet for at least an hour, looking for books for my dissertation. Nearly every book of critical merit on Mervyn Peake is between forty and sixty pounds. Clearly, I do not have this kind of money to spend on them so I'm praying to the walls of Gormenghast that the library will be able to get them for me, otherwise I'm going to cry.

I managed to find one critical book, two biographies and another ambiguous text. Yes, ambiguous- it's around twenty years old so I couldn't really find a description but the listings on the Peake Papers website assures me it is both a critical exploration and a biography. I am honestly that desperate. I refuse to give up on Mervyn.

Gormenghast will be mine!